The roast of Vanellope von Schweetz
by Smokescreen2814
Summary: I host a roast for Vanellope von Schweetz. I own nothing and no flames!


Smokescreen2814 present the Roast of Vanellope von Schweetz. Now here's your host of the roast Smokescreen2814.

The people on stage is myself, Wreck-it Ralph, Fix-it Felix Jr., Sgt Calhoun, Taffyta Muttonfudge, Candlehead, Rancis Fluggerbutter, Mordecai, Rigby, Crumplezone and Ransack.

"Thank you very much. You know when I first met Vanellope she was kind of mean but later on we hang out and stuff. When I asked her to be part of my regular show and Wreck it Ralph crossover she was glitching like no tomorrow and she asked me what Regular Show is? I show her some episodes and she found it weird but funny. Plus after that I put her face to face with Decepticons, Aliens, Cy bugs, Terminators, Insecticons, Master of darkness, Predaking and most recently Arkham city, she kicked me right in the nuts." I said. "Alright where's the guest of honor?"

Vanellope rolls in her in her kart and walks out and sits on a gold chair. "Okay Fart feathers here's how it works we say some things about you and at the end you get to say something got it?" I asked and Vanellope gives him a thumbs up. "Alright our first speaker is a one of the stars of Mordecai and Rigby's arcade adventure Rigby." I said.

Rigby walks up to the stand. "Haters gonna hate! Hey Vanellope what's up? You know when I was asked to do that crossover I was psyched then I met the Core 4 and the racers I was like when he get these guys? But I got to know Vanellope and Ralph at lunch she asked us if we had garbage and worms!" Said Rigby and everyone laughs. "But it was actually meatball subs, after that we became friends and all that stuff. Happy birthday Vanellope!" Rigby goes back to his seat and I go back on the stand.

"Great job Rigby. Alright our next speaker is from the speed planet Velcoitron, don't call fat he's bulky one of the stars of Crumplezone and Ransack across the parrel multiverse Crumplezone." I said.

Crumplezone walks to the stand. "Hello Cleveland!" Crumplezone shouted.

"Hello Crumplezone." Said Cleveland in the audience.

"Alright when first met Vanellope I say to Ransack I think she was in a candy factory explosion and gets brain damaged, cause you know the candy in her hair and mixed socks. She threw me in the Fungeon and it sucked. After that Ransack and I saw her kart we were amazed because even those it was ugly it was special to her. It looked like the kind of kart Frankenstein would drive and someone would puked chocolate on it." Said Crumplezone. "Then Ralph punched me in the face, anyway sorry Vanellope about your kart and happy birthday." Crumplezone goes back to seat and I go back to the stand.

"Good one bro. The next speaker you can easily guess her name in 5 seconds Candlehead." I said.

Candlehead walks to the stand. "Ok um I'm a little nervous cause about this, this is my 6th candle. But Vanellope's not bad as a glitch and a playable character and president. Plus she's my friend and I felt bad for bullying her when she a was glitch." Said Candlehead. "I sucked at making comments. I told Vanellope that her hair looks like someone barfed on it."

"I used that joke Candlehead." Said Crumplezone.

"You did? Anyway happy birthday Vanellope." Said Candlehead and skips back to her seat.

"You did okay Candlehead. Our next speaker is her boyfriend on and off the set. Please welcome Rancis Fluggerbutter." I said and let Rancis take the stand.

"Hello Nellie you look pretty and happy birthday." Said Rancis and Vanellope blushed. "She's really cool you know we hooked up at Disneyland at the haunted mansion. Plus she's the chocolate to my peanut butter." Said Rancis. Vanellope cheeks blushed red like her twizzler holding her ponytail. "She's really cool and I like a girl who's spunky. Anyway happy birthday Nellie." Said Rancis and walks back to his seat and I return to the stand.

"Aw that was sweet kid. Alright our next speaker she's as toughs as nails and a Cy bug killer, Sgt Calhoun." I said and let Sgt Calhoun take the stand.

"Alright what can I say about shortstack besides she maybe sweet but she's brave kinda reminds me of me when I joined the corps." Said Calhoun.

"Yeah but she laughs duty!" Said Crumplezone.

"I get it Crumple. She's like a daughter to me and Fix it except being the President of Candyland." Said Sgt Calhoun and everyone laughed.

"It's funny because it's true." Said Ransack.

"Anyway I see a little trooper in her, no matter what gets in her way she always faces it happy birthday kido." Said Sgt Calhoun and returns to her seat and I take the stand.

"Thanks sarge way to support of our troops. Alright our next speaker is from Velcoitron as well as Crumplezone Ramsack." I said and let Ransack take the stand.

"What's uuuuuuuppppppppp! Ok I'm gonna get to it, when I first met Vanellope on the set of All star punch time explosion she looked like a garbage truck hit her." Said Ransack and Crumplezone is the only one who laughed. "Screw you that's funny! Anyway I sneaked into Vanellope's room and read her diary, if she wasn't here right now I would tell you guys. Then I got thrown in the Fungeon and it's not fun it was like child hell." Everyone laughed at Ransack's joke about the Fungeon.

Crumplezone, Mordecai and Rigby chuckle at Ransack's joke. "That is funny." Rigby replied.

"She told me if I ever read her diary again, she's gonna throw me in the nesquik sand. Anyway happy birthday fart feathers and peace out." Said Ransack and returns to his seat and I take the stand.

"Great job Ransack. Alright our next speaker is the second best racer next to Vanellope, Taffyta Muttonfudge." I said and let her take the stand.

"Ok I did a lot of things to Vanellope over the years like drunk her in the lemonade lake, whack her like a piñata, put her in the town square in her underwear, tie her to a tree and use her for target pratice, and most recently wrecked her homemade kart and pushed her in a mud puddle. What I'm trying to say is I'm sorry Vanellope for everything." Said Taffyta.

"Was that so hard Taffyta?" Rigby asked crossing his arms.

"Shut up Rigby. Anyway after Vanellope crossed the finish line she and I became friends and hung out like this one time we went to DDR and we had a dance off between Breakdown and Soundwave from Transformers war for Cybertron. Bottom we won and Breakdown was angry and pouted like a 5 year old. Anyway happy birthday Vanellope you're my best female friend." Said Taffyta and walks back to her seat and I take the stand.

"Alright our next speaker he can fix anything and I mean anything Fix-it Felix Jr." I said and let Felix take the stand.

"Ok um I would to say that Vanellope is like a daughter to me like Tammy said. But I have nothing mean to say to Vanellope my mother taught me good manners. But Vanellope can always bring a smile to anyone's sad day. Happy birthday Vanilla." Said Felix and goes back to seat and I take the stand.

"Great job Felix and I agree with you're a nice guy. Our next speaker is the star of my first crossover Mordecai." I said and let Mordecai take the stand.

"What up everyone! Ok when I first met Vanellope she asked me if I know big bird from Sesame Street and I was like no way. Later when me and Rigby had lunch with Ralph and Vanellope she asked if we have worms and garbage for lunch. But we have meatball subs for lunch but Rigby already told this story but he asked Vanellope if she had any doughnuts." Said Mordecai.

"Hey she's from a land made of candy and sweets I thought she would have doughnuts for lunch." Said Rigby.

"I get it dude. Anyway Vanellope is really cool she maybe spunky and sassy but she's a good friend, happy birthday Vanellope." Said Mordecai and returns to his seat and I take the stand.

"Great job Mordecai and we saved the best for last. Her first friend in 15 years and after Turbo they have a good friendship Wreck-it Ralph." I said and I let Ralph take the stand.

"Thanks Smoke, happy birthday President fart feathers you know when I met Vanellope she and I didn't see eye to eye with each other, literally. But we see that we're not so different. Plus she always bring a smile to my life she's my first real friend I ever had. Also she's dating fudgehead over there." Said Ralph.

"Don't Stinkbrain I'll protect her at all costs." Said Rancis.

"You better or I'll wreck you." Said Ralph. "Sorry about that, he's great Vanellope you deserved a man like that. Happy birthday kid." Ralph walks back to his seat and I take the stand.

"Ok that's everyone. Vanellope now you get to come over here and say a few words." I said and move away from the stand.

Vanellope walks up to the stand. "Sweet mother of monkey milk that was nuts. I mean there was some good times and the bad times with some of you guys. Plus some funny moments thanks you guys this is the best birthday ever." Said Vanellope.

"Thank you Vanellope. If anyone would like to say to Vanellope please review. Authors, guests and OCs are welcomed. We'll be doing another roast. So please and stay frosty.

**I don't own any characters you saw in this fanfic.**


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